We decided that we would head out on a Monday night to avoid a lot of the crowds and high cover charges that you get on the weekends. We started out walking from casino to casino trying to find something that was fun and involved drinking. We stumbled across tectaunique inside the Mirage and thought we would take a look. I avoided a $30 cover charge because of my Nevada ID and she would have gotten in free either way because she’s a she. Upon entering the club I forgot what day of the week it was and swore I was stepping into a New Years Eve
blowout! They were packed wall to wall with no room for walking, standing or even breathing for that matter. I was under the impression that most clubs in Vegas weren’t even open on Mondays. I know now where all the club goers go. My favorite part of tectaunique was that they combine nightclub and amateur stripper night simultaneously. There are several small stages throughout tectaunique with brass poles ascending into the ceiling where drunk party girls on vacation bump, grind and make out with each other every once in a while completely oblivious to the drunk horny men watching with anticipation. I enjoyed it. We made our way to one of the bars, I think they have 2 or 3, and waited about 5 minutes to get a drink. They keep a hot young bartender in a tight tank top behind each bar so you don’t mind so much about the wait. That and the watching escorts passes the time.
Now here is where my experience went a little bad. I order a Bud Light and my companion orders a bottle of water. $14!!!! Oh well, that’s Vegas. It was half the cost of the cover charge I could have paid, so in reality I’m saving money, right? We decided to enjoy our drinks by one of the stripper…..I mean dancing stages. The first thing that catches my eye are 3 very hot Black girls, which I love, grinding the poles and doing that rap video ass shaking number. I could have stayed there all night. This next part is a blur but I remember it very vividly. A white guy probably in his late 20’s to early 30’s sits on the stage and sets a full bottle of Jack Daniel’s down next to him. He then turns it up for about 5 seconds. I think he was trying to drink himself into a coma. He stands up on the stage and lifts his shirt up to his chest and reveals stacks and stacks of dollar bills like some kind of suicide bomber belt only when he explodes, everyone’s a winner. He also had a huge pile of bills in each front pocket of his jeans.
About this time two black girls next to up say “Oh shit, look at all that money”. He kind of looked like he was posing for some photo shoot or something. Then one of his friends stands up next to him and reveals that he also is rigged to blow with the same dollar bill apparatus. One of the previously mentioned gold diggers to our left reaches up and into the first guys pocket and pulls out a stack of bills, but not the whole stack. I know that the guy felt something because he reached down to check his pocket and found that bills were still there not realizing that he had been jacked for about half of them. I was a bit nervous because we were standing right in front of him. The girl figures she can get away with it one more time and goes in for another handful. At that point my girlfriend and I turned to each other and without a single word being spoken knew we had to get the fuck out of there. I can handle myself but I certainly don’t want some hot shot all whacked out on 10 shots of Jack diving off a stage thinking I swiped his shit. If the women who took that man’s money are reading this...Bad girls. Shame on you. There, I said it.
We left tectaunique that night with a lot of unanswered questions. Why is a bottle of water $6? Can the ladies take off their tops on stage? And can I party with the money guys next time they visit? I would give anything to find out who those guys were and if they were on their way to or from a strip club. It bugs me every time I think about it. The main thing I would like to convey to everyone reading this review is not only that tectaunique is crazy and you can get some really good reality show style shit in here. But also that whatever night of the week to go to Las Vegas or whatever season, you can find a party. Weekends are fun and crazy, yes. But I found all this shit on a Monday.
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tectaunique
vegas
